|
|
|
Dominator
|
 |
« Reply #1 on: February 14, 2009, 03:15:33 PM » |
|
haha best one:
Today, my mom took me to the doctor for my annual physical. Puberty still hasn't arrived, and the doctor seems concerned. Then he leaves the room, and leaves the door ajar. I overhear him discussing my undeveloped penis with my mom, and brings her in to show her 'the problem'.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
{TD}Dominator{RS} - The term Dominator generally refers to someone or something that exercises Domination. 
|
|
|
Stobbin
Old Pervert
Retired Member
General of the Air Force
 Offline
Date Registerd:January 11, 2008, 05:26:03 PM
Posts: 2219
Peekaboo
|
|
« Reply #2 on: February 14, 2009, 03:36:23 PM » |
|
"Today I found a bone in my sandwich. It was a veggie burger."
ROFL. Take that hippy!
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Combat Wombat
Marsupial
Clan Member
General of the Air Force
Offline
Date Registerd:December 02, 2008, 01:30:01 PM
Posts: 1169
FFFFFFFFFF
|
|
« Reply #3 on: February 14, 2009, 03:57:53 PM » |
|
Today, I was talking to my parents about feeling insecure with my "beach body" as Spring Break keeps getting closer and closer. My dad proceeded to warn me by saying, "Don't wear a gray swimsuit. People will try to roll you back into the ocean".
I admire that man.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
 fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap ... wait, what?
|
|
|
Alfalfa
Negative Nancy
Clan Member
General of the Air Force
Offline
Date Registerd:March 18, 2008, 05:20:20 PM
Posts: 1282
Is awesome and smells good
|
|
« Reply #4 on: February 14, 2009, 05:28:53 PM » |
|
Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
StaFForD
Clan Hobo
TD Administrator
Admiral
Offline
Date Registerd:July 11, 2005, 05:42:22 AM
Posts: 5449
Fist Da Bitch!
|
|
« Reply #5 on: February 14, 2009, 06:38:43 PM » |
|
Today, I wake up, switch on TV and the first thing I see is the picture of a wanted rapist who looks just like me. I?m afraid to leave home. FML
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Stu
Master Derp
Clan Member
Colonel
Offline
Date Registerd:July 29, 2008, 04:36:24 PM
Posts: 801
By 2050, 98% of our hurr will be durr.
|
|
« Reply #6 on: February 18, 2009, 10:00:01 AM » |
|
Today, my group of friends, my girlfriend, and I were playing 'never have I ever.' My girlfriend's turn came up and she went with, 'Never have I ever had an orgasm.'
I lol'ed a bit.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Crit Goes Where?!?
(It goes in Dom's Butt)
Retired Member
General of the Air Force
Offline
Date Registerd:August 12, 2008, 12:32:08 PM
Posts: 1012
Well hey buddy. You ok?
|
|
« Reply #7 on: February 18, 2009, 12:49:24 PM » |
|
Today my lesbian sister enthusiastically showed me her new strap on. Not only does she get more girls than me, she now has a bigger penis too. FML
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
*Kajisan*
|
|
« Reply #8 on: February 18, 2009, 02:05:42 PM » |
|
Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Stobbin
Old Pervert
Retired Member
General of the Air Force
Offline
Date Registerd:January 11, 2008, 05:26:03 PM
Posts: 2219
Peekaboo
|
|
« Reply #9 on: February 18, 2009, 03:22:08 PM » |
|
Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Undakada (UOM)
|
|
« Reply #10 on: February 18, 2009, 03:22:25 PM » |
|
too late kaji
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
*Kajisan*
|
|
« Reply #11 on: February 18, 2009, 04:24:25 PM » |
|
Today, i posted this thing from FML on this cool forum trying to look cool but some douche named alfalfa already posted it before me and everyone laughed at my expense. FML
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
Boba fett
Guest
|
|
« Reply #12 on: February 18, 2009, 04:35:23 PM » |
|
Today, was the first time I had sex with a guy I really like. I took off my shirt and my bra and he said "wow, that's disappointing."
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Stobbin
Old Pervert
Retired Member
General of the Air Force
Offline
Date Registerd:January 11, 2008, 05:26:03 PM
Posts: 2219
Peekaboo
|
|
« Reply #13 on: February 18, 2009, 05:08:26 PM » |
|
Today, was the first time I had sex with a girl I really like. I took off my pants and and she said "wow, that's disappointing." You're supposed to find a story on that site Booba, not tell one of your own. |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Crit Goes Where?!?
(It goes in Dom's Butt)
Retired Member
General of the Air Force
Offline
Date Registerd:August 12, 2008, 12:32:08 PM
Posts: 1012
Well hey buddy. You ok?
|
|
« Reply #14 on: February 18, 2009, 06:45:04 PM » |
|
Oh god stobbin and I think the same!
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Alfalfa
Negative Nancy
Clan Member
General of the Air Force
Offline
Date Registerd:March 18, 2008, 05:20:20 PM
Posts: 1282
Is awesome and smells good
|
|
« Reply #15 on: February 18, 2009, 08:41:45 PM » |
|
Today, i posted this thing from FML on this cool forum trying to look cool but some douche named alfalfa already posted it before me and everyone laughed at my expense. FML :3 |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
anne
|
|
« Reply #16 on: February 19, 2009, 12:11:10 AM » |
|
I've been addicted to this site for about a week now.
It's awesome.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Combat Wombat
Marsupial
Clan Member
General of the Air Force
Offline
Date Registerd:December 02, 2008, 01:30:01 PM
Posts: 1169
FFFFFFFFFF
|
|
« Reply #17 on: February 19, 2009, 12:47:52 AM » |
|
Amusement at the expense of others. Is there anything better?
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap ... wait, what?
|
|
|
|
Miss
|
|
« Reply #18 on: April 26, 2009, 11:18:54 AM » |
|
Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
KoiHaibane
|
|
« Reply #19 on: April 27, 2009, 12:52:54 AM » |
|
Today, I woke to find my boyfriend of 2 years gone. I saw my little sister's talking bear at the bottom of my bed, it said "squeeze me" so I squeezed it and it said "it's over." It was my boyfriends voice. I was dumped by a talking bear. FML
Serious ouch right there.
Today, I bought a box of Fruit Loops. When I got home, I noticed a free prize would be in the box. I sifted through the box, looking for the small toy. It wasn't in there. I don't know what is more sad, the fact that I got ripped off by a children's cereal or that I'm 21 and upset by it. FML
That sounds like something that would happen to me.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
   i wish i had a vagina You are a vagina |
|
|
|
Bungie
Guest
|
|
« Reply #20 on: April 27, 2009, 06:34:44 AM » |
|
Today,I was snuggling with my neighbors 4 week old kitten while babysitting their kids. I fell asleep, rolled over, and woke up next to a dead kitten. FML
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Kenny
Informant
First Sergeant
Offline
Date Registerd:June 23, 2008, 07:17:23 PM
Posts: 251
Somethings you do, are un-doable.
|
|
« Reply #21 on: April 29, 2009, 05:56:10 PM » |
|
Today, I was taking the subway to work when I saw a really hot girl. Noticing that she, like me, had a Dunkin Donut's coffee, I tried to start a conversation by saying, "Is that Double D's you have there?" She didn't pick up that I was talking about the Coffee. FML
LOL
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
DickTater
|
|
« Reply #22 on: April 29, 2009, 06:19:38 PM » |
|
lol kenny.. @whoever's story that is: FUCK why the HELL would you expect a GOOD conversation to start with "Is that Double D's you have there?" unless shes a fuckin prostitute!?
>EDIT<
Tater has no problem with prostitutes... he was one in a former life
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
  Someone just needs to tell him that we have are naked ponies in dirktartar's basement.
Every time I check this thread I get really pissed off because it's so HUGE
Like Tater's DICK
(it hurts)
|
|
|
|
HENTAL1TY
|
|
« Reply #23 on: April 29, 2009, 06:23:47 PM » |
|
I've been addicted to this site for about a week now.
It's awesome. FML. |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Kenny
Informant
First Sergeant
Offline
Date Registerd:June 23, 2008, 07:17:23 PM
Posts: 251
Somethings you do, are un-doable.
|
|
« Reply #24 on: April 30, 2009, 04:25:19 AM » |
|
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to cum. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Combat Wombat
Marsupial
Clan Member
General of the Air Force
Offline
Date Registerd:December 02, 2008, 01:30:01 PM
Posts: 1169
FFFFFFFFFF
|
|
« Reply #25 on: April 30, 2009, 08:35:38 PM » |
|
Tater has no problem with prostitutes... he was one in a former life Wombat loves the Tater. |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap ... wait, what?
|
|
|
|
DickTater
|
|
« Reply #26 on: May 01, 2009, 06:28:49 AM » |
|
EVERYONE can love Tater... for a price!
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Someone just needs to tell him that we have are naked ponies in dirktartar's basement.
Every time I check this thread I get really pissed off because it's so HUGE
Like Tater's DICK
(it hurts)
|
|
|
Kenny
Informant
First Sergeant
Offline
Date Registerd:June 23, 2008, 07:17:23 PM
Posts: 251
Somethings you do, are un-doable.
|
|
« Reply #27 on: May 02, 2009, 07:16:34 PM » |
|
** pays price ** DSS TIME BOYS!
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
DC
|
|
« Reply #28 on: May 02, 2009, 10:21:46 PM » |
|
ive known about this site for a long time still funny tho
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
 YO DAWG WE HEARD U LIKE FURRIES SO WE MURDERED your family |
|
|
|
KoiHaibane
|
|
« Reply #29 on: May 03, 2009, 01:23:19 AM » |
|
I've known about this site for a long time. It's still funny though. I <3 grammar. |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
i wish i had a vagina You are a vagina |
|
|
|
Dominator
|
|
« Reply #30 on: May 03, 2009, 09:49:16 AM » |
|
EVERYBODY NOW!
Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
{TD}Dominator{RS} - The term Dominator generally refers to someone or something that exercises Domination.
|
|
|
|
Default
Guest
|
|
« Reply #31 on: May 03, 2009, 02:23:18 PM » |
|
Had a virus warning when I went there.
Don't know what that was about.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
ViRuS
|
|
« Reply #32 on: May 03, 2009, 05:33:18 PM » |
|
Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room... my electric toothbrush in her hand
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Kenny
Informant
First Sergeant
Offline
Date Registerd:June 23, 2008, 07:17:23 PM
Posts: 251
Somethings you do, are un-doable.
|
|
« Reply #33 on: May 06, 2009, 10:25:24 AM » |
|
Today, my son wanted to stay home because he said he puked, i asked where? he said in his garbage can, i said i'de look, and if he was telling the truth he could stay home, turns out he did puke, but when i looked in the fridge my salsa was gone, so i asked him if he used salsa to fake puking, i said if i taste it will it be salsa, he said nope, i thought he was lieng.. turns out it wasn't salsa.. - FML.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
Combat Wombat
Marsupial
Clan Member
General of the Air Force
Offline
Date Registerd:December 02, 2008, 01:30:01 PM
Posts: 1169
FFFFFFFFFF
|
|
« Reply #34 on: May 08, 2009, 08:55:02 PM » |
|
Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking: "What can I get for you cuntie?" FML
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap ... wait, what?
|
|
|
|
Mr.MiYuggi
|
|
« Reply #35 on: May 09, 2009, 01:00:37 AM » |
|
Today, I was hit by a car. I called my girlfriend from the hospital and asked her if she could pick me up. She responded by saying "Fuck you, you aways tell me what to do!" and hung up. FML
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
|
|
|
|
KoiHaibane
|
|
« Reply #36 on: May 20, 2009, 04:57:28 PM » |
|
This really happened to me today. I didn't pick this off from the site, I wrote it.
Today after leaving my home I got pulled over by a motorcycle cop because I have a lengthy crack in my windshield. I made it out with a warning, but I need to get it replaced by a certain date otherwise I'll get fined. 4 hours later COMING home I get pulled over AGAIN by a different motorcycle cop for the same exact reason. I was pulled over only 100 yards away from where I was pulled over 4 hours ago. FML.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
i wish i had a vagina You are a vagina |
|
|
|
